dag

Dagny passed this morning with the support of Ed at Boulder Veterinary Hospital. Ed was very helpful and understanding of the situation Dagny was in. After a rough night back here at the house (not eating, moving or drinking), Dagny slept in my bed with me and mewed sporadically into the night. In the morning, I gave her a hug and brought her back to the vet when her symptoms worsened. They ran some tests on her and found out her red blood cell count was at 10% which is 20% below normal and 3% away from death. Her tongue was nearly grey and she wasn't responding to anything. Although we are not 100% sure, the predicted diagnosis was feline leukemia and that she probably wouldn't make it to the end of the day.

I made the decision only with the help of Ed and Jen, who talked to me on Monday about her thoughts on euthanasia. At the time, it was the last thing I wanted to think about, since I still had my hope filled heart that Dagny just had a fever. But Jen explained that we are lucky to have that option for our pets; when they are enduring so much pain to stay alive and keep us happy, it is our option to not let them make that sacrifice for us. Dagny was doing just that. She was clinging on to dear life for us. Twice she tried to hide and die, embarrassed to have the ones that loved her so much see her in such weakness.

Last night, I kept her on a pillow next to a low blowing fan to keep her fever down and make sure she wouldn't quit just yet on us. But this morning, when we found out what was wrong with her and that her body was fighting itself to death, Ed helped me come to the decision that she shouldn't be in pain any longer.

She was a brave cat. I always said she could take a mountain lion. Unfortunately, there are diseases and viruses that attack our vulnerabilities. It is impossible for me to find a good reason or explanation for Dagny's passing. She was two years old and the happiest, most active, loving and coolest cat I have ever known. I know everybody says that about their pet. I don't think that diminishes the sincerity or truth of the statement when one makes it.

When I calmed down this morning and thought about all the people in this world who Dagny has touched, who would want to know, it made me happy that so many people loved her. She was the kind that cat-haters ended up liking. And anytime hate can be turned into love, there must be a special soul in the works to create such a drastic change of heart.

I want to say she will be missed and at the same time I'd like to say she is always with me. Neither of these statements are completely accurate. Right now I am suspended in between grief and love of my little buddy who blessed my life with her presence.