Today I witnessed two people hug for over five minutes. Go, go right now, and try to hug someone for even one minute. It's a long time. Times that by five.
It seems, most often, humans are not afraid to touch in flickers; we flirt, poke, pinch, smile, wink, but only in spurts. Flirting is easy; it's inconsequential and transient. A long hug takes courage. It takes confidence and commitment, which we like to think we have, but when it comes time to dish out love, we twitch. What's so scary about a hug?
More often than not, people cower at the sight of a person in need of comfort- a little elongated touch as therapy. I met two women today who casually told me they were looking for silk flowers for their daughter, who had died. Her name was Lindsay. She had died in her sleep, of unknown causes, at the age of 32. They held up a picture of her - she was holding a martini glass and clad in a gaudy Halloween Princess outfit.
She is smiling wild in this worn, cracked photograph. It had been tucked tight in too many jean pockets over too many years. The white haired woman announces: "I'll pay with credit card cause I need my change! Lindsay used to carry coins in her pocket everywhere she went. See?" She displays her coins: quarters, pennies, but mostly nickles. "I found this broache this morning at her house. It has a bell, see?" She rings the bell and tells me how she asked her four year old granddaughter what color Lindsay's wings are: "Gray." "She must be caught up on gray lately. That's her answer for everything."
All I wanted to do was round the corner of my counter and give this Kansas woman a hug. Her calm pleasantries made me very sad. I'd like to say I was glad that she was taking her daughter's death in a positive way, but my heart collapsed a little inside of me at the sight of her swift movements. I just wanted to keep her hands down at her side, mouth closed, and allow her a piece of fabric to cry into. Have you ever hugged someone so deeply, cried into their shoulder shirt and not worried about snot or embarassing noises? This is the kind of hug I wanted to give Lindsay's mother.
I carried around nickles in my coat pocket for the remainder of the day.
I also had a very nice hug to round out my Tuesday, and I wasn't afraid of it.
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2 comments:
beautiful thoughts.
but think about it... if five minutes of hugging is a long time, dont cha think five minutes of watching people hug is an even longer time?
I've heard of people doing that, its like communicating without talking, and being intimate without having sex. They sit down in a hugging position, close their eyes, and sit like that for five minutes. Its like meditating, but getting into each other rather than themselves.
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